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Sunday, October 14, 2012
School's starting on Monday I'm feeling the same shit every time the first day of school is approaching. Denial, sadness, anger, urge to eat everything in the fridge. Only it feels shittier and more intense every time. Although I hate going to school with every fiber in my body, I'll do anything it takes to stay in the education system for as long as possible. I can't handle the responsibility of an adult anytime soon, I can barely handle anything now. Most people I'm close to knows I've been going through some sort of midlife/identity crisis recently, but in reality, I've been going through it for years now. Every time I hear someone talk about their dreams, about what they want to be with such conviction, I can't help but feel scared. Scared that I'll never have that kind of motivation to strive. When I was younger I would tell myself that I have plenty of time to decide what I want to be, but after all these time I've spent waiting for it to hit me, I'm pretty sure it's not coming. As much as I hate to admit it, I've always been average. Never excelling in anything, boring, nothing special. I know a lot of people like so say things like: everyone is unique! Well, being unique doesn't make you interesting. I happen to find myself to be very boring, painfully so. I keep trying to find something that I'm good at, a talent, but that search has been fruitless so far. Ten years of piano lessons and I'm still a amateur. I tried singing and I'm not getting any better. The only thing going for me is my sense of humour, which coincidentally is also the reason why I'm pretty sure I have a reserved spot in hell. I know what the problem is, I lack motivation. I'm lazy, I never want too hard for anything. I worry that if I get too invested in something I'll set myself up for disappointment at the inevitable failure. I'm a pessimist, and that's stopping me from doing so many things. I just never felt so strongly about something that I'll risk everything to obtain it. One day, hopefully, I'll have the privilege of having that. Phew, finally got this off my chest. Oh, what the night does to me, making me pour out my feelings on to a computer screen.I guess this is what night blogging is for me, not going crazy but getting emotional and shit. Next thing you know I'm posting love songs here. Damn. I"ll TRY to calm down on the emotional shit, but recently I've been watching too many shows that tug at my heart strings or make me look at my life choices. I noticed I never actually posted any photos of Tom Hiddleston/Loki despite my declaration of love for him in a few post back. Since I'm trying to get back my good mood, lets stare at pictures of one of my(many) imaginary husband (I'll love you forever, Lexxi).  One of my favorite pictures of him, it's just so dynamic. Also, him in a suit, yum.  Him as Loki, what made me fall in to the fiery pits of feels. THAT STARE OMFG.   NEVER ENDING SEXUAL FRUSTRATION. Look how fast I can get from being philosophical about life to squealing fangirl. I blame you, Thomas William Hiddleston, stop being perfect, I need to get on with my life! |
SiMin. 23 years old From Singapore. Studying at TUM Loves animals, tv shows, book, music, food and fashion. I'm insane and I love it. Stupid stuff makes me giggle. Steel Panther is forever my favourite. Hiddlestoned. |Twitter| |Facebook| |YouTube| |Instagram| |Victoria Frances (go see her art!)|
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